situasi : Disember bermula...
iTunes : hmm, anuar zain's Anuar Zain?
it's the holiday seasons...Aidiladha is just around the corner, not counting the Christmas eve.
[my birthday too~~hehehe]
typically, i'll be 'bombarded' with wedding invitations, kenduri doa selamat [plenty, for the time being since there were numbers of senior teachers performing Hajj this year], friends wanting to see me, and typically their favourite number one question is :
"oi bile ko nak kawin?".
...to which i'll reply with a bland, boring smile... [heh]
it's not something that i was avoiding. it's just that, maybe it's not the time, yet.
truthfully, i'm still single. but i never made myself available. i just don't want to.
am i choosy? nolahhhh...why must i, kan?
[heloo macamlaa aku ni miss universe nak berangan bagai huhuu]
i guess the problem is that i am me. because i'm so dreaded to go through the roller-coaster rides of relationship, again.
i'll puke the next time someone came up to me and serenade his sugary-sweet love-lingos, thinking that i'm so pleased and wanting to hear that lah?
i'm tired of making promises nor hearing them. i hated trying so hard changing to be that particular PERFECT lady that 'the other half' wanted me to. i've been through every experience resulting me making a complete fool of myself. to which after a while, it's torturous and sickening.i don't hate men. they're a part of me very single moment. my abah, my brother, my 'ickle naufal... what's more i'm teaching an all-boys secondary school, there's plenty of them to love or loathe.
but to go through another phase of getting to know someone, to get along with him, to understand his character, to love his every colours, to take him in as what he is... i don't know. it's almost two years since the last one [he's already happily married, by the way] and i'm still here. waiting for mr.Perfect? nobody's perfect, that's the truth.
and, of course, for him to care for me, and take my family as his. little naufal too.
you see - you don't know me, really.
it's pieces of a thousand jigsaw you're trying to put together. every piece is sweet, another one is too hard to discover. in the end either you liked the whole picture you wanted to frame it up or you'll leave it there in pieces, back to it's original form. tattered and in mess.
[what a loser ~ yes, you.]
am i complaining? heck, i don't even know why i'm writing this!