Monday, December 03, 2007

broken promises~~

masa : 10.32 am
situasi : Disember bermula...
iTunes : hmm, anuar zain's Anuar Zain?
[delicious wuhuu~~]

it's the holiday seasons...Aidiladha is just around the corner, not counting the Christmas eve.

[my birthday too~~hehehe]

typically, i'll be 'bombarded' with wedding invitations, kenduri doa selamat [plenty, for the time being since there were numbers of senior teachers performing Hajj this year], friends wanting to see me, and typically their favourite number one question is :

"oi bile ko nak kawin?".

...to which i'll reply with a bland, boring smile... [heh]

it's not something that i was avoiding. it's just that, maybe it's not the time, yet.

truthfully, i'm still single. but i never made myself available. i just don't want to.

am i choosy? nolahhhh...why must i, kan?

[heloo macamlaa aku ni miss universe nak berangan bagai huhuu]

i guess the problem is that i am me. because i'm so dreaded to go through the roller-coaster rides of relationship, again.

i'll puke the next time someone came up to me and serenade his sugary-sweet love-lingos, thinking that i'm so pleased and wanting to hear that lah?

i'm tired of making promises nor hearing them. i hated trying so hard changing to be that particular PERFECT lady that 'the other half' wanted me to. i've been through every experience resulting me making a complete fool of myself. to which after a while, it's torturous and sickening.

i don't hate men. they're a part of me very single moment. my abah, my brother, my 'ickle naufal... what's more i'm teaching an all-boys secondary school, there's plenty of them to love or loathe.

but to go through another phase of getting to know someone, to get along with him, to understand his character, to love his every colours, to take him in as what he is... i don't know. it's almost two years since the last one [he's already happily married, by the way] and i'm still here. waiting for mr.Perfect? nobody's perfect, that's the truth.

and, of course, for him to care for me, and take my family as his. little naufal too.

you see - you don't know me, really.

it's pieces of a thousand jigsaw you're trying to put together. every piece is sweet, another one is too hard to discover. in the end either you liked the whole picture you wanted to frame it up or you'll leave it there in pieces, back to it's original form. tattered and in mess.

[what a loser ~ yes, you.]

am i complaining? heck, i don't even know why i'm writing this!

5 comments:

Izyan Darling said...

bosan kan bila org asik tanya soalan tu. as for me, when ppl ask me, luckily i have a good, solid reason, that is "my sister will only be getting married next year so i'll only start thinking about it the year after. besides, i don't want to langkah bendul!" hehehe. thank god i have an elder sis who is not married yet. anyway i'm sure u have ur own plans. buat dek je dgn soalan2 tu. it's our life and we'll set the rules!

Len Bkn Nama Sebenar said...

this entry reminds me of myself.. a yr ago.. huhu.. wat dek je ngan all those nosy ppl..
hmm ur purposely not making urself available eh.. huhu xpe.. nnt otomatik pintu hati akan terbuka when u find the rite person ;)

msYuz said...

izyan :

d best thing is dat my parents wat derrKKK je,as long as there's no dramatic "abah mama ni dah tua...tringin nk menimang cucu" so i'm not in a hurry to b available again hihi~

lenny [ye ku tau nama sebenarmu hahaa] :

i wish him luck lah,should he wanted to try.

i AM incorrigible ;>

a GUY in a dJIN said...

saya nak cuba! (tekan buzzer)

ok, jawapan nya ialah

A. kerak nasik.

next question... please.

LG said...

err, should I say anything? err, better not...